BENJAMIN: When Mum and Dad made me and Andrew share a room,
we were basically living like battery hens.
If you force chickens into a confined space,
they'll eventually attack and even eat each other.
No, lower.
Now I can finally lay my eggs in peace.
Has anyone ever thought that maybe Gogo will want to come back?
Tam, we all miss Gogo.
But let's remember, no-one's ever really gone
if we keep the memory of them in our heart...
(ELECTRONIC TRILL) Ohh!
Oh, my God! I've been accepted!
The drama thing?
It's the Sunshine Coast's most prestigious drama intensive.
It's super-competitive.
At the final showcase, a surprise guest director comes all the way from...
From Brisbane. We know.
..and casts someone in their next project.
(SHRILL ALARM BEEPS) Arghh! What is that? What is that? Argh, Mum!
(INFOMERCIAL PLAYS ON TV, ALARM CONTINUES TO BEEP)
(SCREAMS) Mum, what's going on?
(SCREAMS) Turn off the alarm.
(ALARM STOPS) (SQUEALS)
Mum! Mum!
What? What?
We need to open the windows! You open the windows. I'm dizzy.
What were you even cooking at this hour anyway?
It was the special Chinese medicine, to help with Mummy's sleep cancer.
You can't tell anyone you have cancer.
You'll freak everyone out.
Mummy can't sleep.
Feels like I have cancer, so, sleep cancer.
You mean insomnia?
It's what Michelle had after Gogo made her watch that Centipede movie.
You know, I can't stop thinking.
What did I do wrong with your brother?
Being a mum was the one thing Mummy was good at.
Mummy feed you, cook for you, care for you when you were sick.
Even when you were constipated babies,
Mummy would put her pinky...
Oh, stop. Stop! ..up you, like a little hook.
Eventually you all leave Mummy,
and then one day you come home
and guess what.
What?
Mummy will be dead.
Oh.
(TOILET FLUSHES)
Cool, huh?
Yeah, well, while you two are living it up,
Mum is basically having a meltdown.
She needs help. Oh, come on.
She's just chucking one of her moods so I feel guilty and move back home.
It's not just a mood. She just sits there watching SBS News.
In Russian.
And she keeps saying she's a bad mother, over and over.
It's only funny when she says that about other women.
Maybe I can help.
Clearly you're... you're not coping.
I mean... look.
Let me take care of you.
Like I should.
Everything's going to be OK.
OK?
Our son doesn't even want to live with his own mother.
Well, maybe I can talk to him.
Maybe if I, uh... I move back in,
I'm sure Andrew will follow.
We can put all this behind us.
Just turn the new page.
Forget all the craziness.
Craziness? Who's crazy?
No, I'm not saying... I didn't mean...
This is our family.
Oh, you think it's going to be so easy?
Wait until I'm weak and then seize your opportunity.
What are you talking about?
You say you want to help but all you think about is what YOU want!
You don't understand Jenny.
Nobody understands Jenny.
Maybe my friends would understand Jenny, but guess what.
Jenny has no friends!
I'm going to bed.
It's 2:30 in the afternoon.
Jenny's on international time!
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE, CLOSES DOOR)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
BEN: Mum, come on. JENNY: I need to go back to bed.
No, but you've been in bed for days. You're going to get bedsores.
What? Oh, no, Mummy has the sleep cancer.
Nothing to joke about. Here. Put this on.
What? I have a surprise.
Aunty Rose? Benjamin?
(SQUEALS) What are you doing here?
It's been so long!
You're supposed to be in Malaysia!
Your son said you needed a friend right now, so here I am.
Surprise!
Oh, my God! Benjamin!
You did this for Mummy?
Oh, come here. (BOTH LAUGH)
Look at you! Look at you!
Oh!
ROSE: Very strict school. The skirt has to be exactly the right length below the knee.
And then the tie must tie the right way...
Rose, sorry, the house is such a mess. Everything's been crazy.
Ah, shh! Stop apologising.
Join us.
See how beautiful was your mum?
Everyone say she can be a model.
Once even a scout came to our school and ask your mum to work.
I thought you made that up.
He said I was sexier than his own daughter.
Ah, see? Your mummy and me.
Best friends. Spend every day together.
But then she moved to Hong Kong to be with your daddy.
So... (GASPS)
Remember? Connie.
This girl so terrible, so mean to both of us.
Set fire to Aunty Rose's hair.
Anyway, she's dead now.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Good night, good night.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Well, I'm off to the drama intensive now.
But your Aunty Rose only just arrive.
Ah, it's fine-lah!
It's nicer if we spend time together, just us girls.
I'm so sorry to hear about Danny.
Oh, ha-ha. No need to pretend. I know you never liked Danny.
You looked so pretty. Look at your necklace.
You too! Oh, look.
(HUBBUB, LAUGHTER)
Melissa? Russell?
What are you doing here?
Beryl told me this was invite only.
I wanted to surprise you. Isn't this amazing?
Amazing.
Yeah. Amazing.
Is that Klaus?
Hey!
Is this an ethnic quota thing?
Do they know he's only half Asian?
MAN: Children! (CLAPS HANDS)
Gather!
Welcome...
..welcome...
..to the most difficult week of your lives.
All of you are here because you want to be stars.
But you know what stars are?
Dead balls of gas.
Or maybe you're here because you've been told something about you makes you special.
Your medical condition.
Your exquisite cheekbones.
Your...
..face.
What's wrong with my face?
I like it. MR MALLORY: SILENCE!!
But this week...
..we will break you down.
We will purge the individuality out of you.
By the time of the showcase, our guest director won't see you.
They will see...
..actors.
ACTORS!
(SLAMS DOOR)
Wow!
Look what your Aunty Rose bought me.
Genuine batik, handmade.
See? Your mother so beautiful now.
Oh. Thank you for calling your Aunty Rose.
It's just what Mummy needed.
Eww, that reeks.
Asam laksa, Malaysian specialty.
Your Aunty Rose likes it extra fishy.
Everyone, eat, eat, eat! Ah, but first...
..grace.
Dear God,
thank you for bringing me safely to Australia via Malaysian Airlines
and for delivering me to my best friend.
And her beautiful children.
Amen.
Oh, my God, you guys, today there was this amazing exercise...
Please help us all to return to paths of righteousness
and lead us back into the arms of our faithful friends.
In Jesus's name, we pray. Amen.
Amen.
Ai-ya, Ben, don't interrupt next time.
Oh, it's OK. Actors.
Always stealing the limelight. Showing off.
It's part of the job, isn't it, ah-Ben?
(LAUGHS)
So your Benjamin, do you think he chooses to be like this?
Oh, no, no, he's always liked acting.
I think people are born that way.
Isn't it a very risky lifestyle?
No, no. He's a triple threat.
Acting, costume making, clarinet playing.
So many career options.
But enough about us - tell me all the hot goss.
Is there a special man in your life?
Ai, you know, only one man for me.
Ai-ya, you can't have sex with Jesus.
Why you always so secretive?
I've already had my heart broken once.
Really? Who?
Never mind. Let's focus on you. Much more important.
Ohh!
What is there to say?
I'm an unfit mother and my marriage is a mess.
Jo tau, Mum! Jo tau, Aunty Rose!
Mum, have you been crying?
Oh, no, no, no. Happy tears, happy tears.
Mummy needs to clean her face.
It's best if you give your mum some time.
Sometimes adults need some peace and quiet.
(RADIO PLAYS INDISTINCTLY)
Mum, Mum! I had the most amazing dream.
So, I was on Oprah Winfrey's 42-acre estate when...
Oh, sorry.
Jo san, ah-Ben. I pack your lunch already.
All kinds of yummy snacks inside to keep you going.
Thanks, Aunty Rose.
Oh, don't be late for drama school.
Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, remember?
Reach for your dreams.
Believe in yourself!
The sky is the limit!
Blah, blah, blah.
Ah, Ben?
Already gone. What?
But he never leaves without saying goodbye.
Ai-ya, you know teenagers. They only think about themselves.
Ah, slept in! I can't talk. I'm running late.
You see?
That's what kids do. They come and go.
Until they all just go.
But you know, even when they all leave,
Rose will still be here for you.
Ah, morning, ladies.
Um...
Rose, this is Wayne, Candy's, uh... friend.
Fiance.
So...
This exercise is all about control and surrender.
Person A, dominate, command, subjugate.
Person B, cease to exist.
Feel every last part of your body dilate and open.
Oh!
Yield!
Hmm.
Yield! Uh!
Rose... did you fly in on your broomstick?
(CHUCKLES) Danny.
Interfering as always.
I was invited by your son.
(LAUGHS)
Your plums won't help you this time.
Our marriage is none of your business.
You swoop in, turn my friend into a slave, and it's not my business?
Jenny used to be so full of life.
And then she met you.
Easy for you to talk.
Who have you ever taken care of?
It's always been about you, Danny.
Your work, your business, your children.
Never your wife.
She should have tossed you out years ago.
(LAWNMOWER RUMBLES LOUDLY)
She's not home.
(LOUD RUMBLING CONTINUES)
I don't think she likes me.
How is that even possible? I know, right?
She makes me feel like I'm in the way or something.
MR MALLORY: Children! (CLAPS HANDS) Into the circle!
ALL: (CHANT) You are nothing. You are nothing. You are nothing.
You are nothing. Louder.
(LOUDER) You are nothing! You are nothing!
You are nothing! You are nothing! I'm sorry.
You are nothing! Faster.
You are nothing! You are nothing! You are nothing!
Why are we doing this? You are nothing! You are nothing?
You are nothing! You are nothing! You are nothing! You are nothing!
(THWACK!) MICHELLE: Ow!
(THWACK!) Oww!
Ow! Hit softer!
TAMMY: (SIGHS) This is the softest I can hit.
All this must be taking its toll on you.
(THWACK!) (SQUEALS)
You know, I've been thinking.
You should go on a holiday.
I can't go on a holiday now, not with everything happening.
And the kids. How could I afford to go?
Ai, poor Jenny. You haven't been on a holiday for so long,
you don't even remember what a holiday is.
No kids. No housework.
Just time to relax, get perspective.
Think about all the bad choices you made in your life.
We could go together.
Ha! What do you think, huh?
Are you kidding me? (LAUGHS)
How is that even legal?
Ow! Oh, girls...
Ooh!
(LAUGHS) (GROANS)
This country is disgusting.
Ai-ya, it's just a shirt.
If this was Malaysia, the manager would be flogged.
The cake wasn't my idea.
It's fine. I shouldn't have made such a big deal of it.
(ALARM BEEPS)
Ma'am!
It was inappropriate, it was gross...
Not that boobs are gross. Your boobs are...
OK, we don't need to talk about my boobs... Andrew!
Ah!
Mum...
When are you coming home?
I change. I'm not embarrassing anymore, I promise. Oh, Andrew!
Ma'am, you'll have to pay for that top.
Huh? No, no. Andrew...
Mum, we'll talk later, OK? Andrew!
Call me, OK?
Call me!
He treats me like I pooed my pants in front of his friends.
What will happen when I'm 90 and actually poo my pants?
You are too good for this family.
These children are so ungrateful.
After all you've done for them.
As for Danny...
I think he feels sorry.
I don't see Danny here apologising.
You need time out.
From the children. From Danny.
Come with me.
There's a spa and a sauna, and the whole thing is ladies only.
What about my showcase? You're gonna miss it.
Can Wayne stay while you're gone? Did you know orang-utans eat their poo, throw it up then eat it again?
Oh, but you've always been there.
You've never missed any of my big moments.
If you've all finished talking,
maybe you should listen to what your mother needs for once.
Of course Mummy's sad she's going to miss your show, but you're 14 now.
But this could well be the pivotal moment of my career.
The director's from Brisbane. Brisbane!
What monologue are you doing?
Nicole Kidman as Virginia Woolf in 'The Hours'.
Oh. You'll be great, like always.
Plus, Mummy's subscribed to your YouTube channel, remember?
MELISSA: Can you see her?
She's here. Oh, my God.
Ursula Vandenblock.
Vandenberg.
No big deal, Klaus.
She's just the most important experimental theatre director
in all of Brisbane!
Is everything OK?
My mum isn't here.
Why? What's happened? Nothing's happened.
She's just gone on holidays with her best friend.
But Jenny's obsessed with you.
It's so out of character.
What's changed?
Aunty Rose?
It's nicer if we spend time together, just us girls.
Sometimes adults need some peace and quiet.
Come with me. (VOICE ECHOES)
Rose.
Yes!
You need to come over, now!
Mwah! Don't forget to call us when you get there.
Alright, OK. And if Michelle has any more bruises when I get back,
I'm blaming you.
It's not my fault she has bad circulation.
Hey, time to go. If we miss this flight, we lose our money.
Nooo!
Huh? No-one's going anywhere!
Don't you see? Rose doesn't want our family back together.
She hates Dad. She probably hates all of us.
She just wants Mum all to herself because she's... obsessed with her.
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
Ah, Ben.
All your funny stories.
Andrew!
What, suddenly all your children are here for you now?
You've come home? ANDREW: Yeah.
I mean... no, I mean...
I'm not moving back home. But I wanted...
I wanted to say that...
..I'm sorry that I overreacted about...
..the tit cake.
And I love you, Mum.
Maybe this was a bad idea. I should stay to sort things out.
Sort things out?
You've had 20 years to sort things out!
Rose, that's not fair. Oh, not fair?
Not fair?
I told you years ago that marrying Danny was a bad idea,
and these children prove it.
You needed help, and where is everyone?
Look at them all.
This one is a harlot.
What's a harlot? This one's a selfish runaway.
This one, I can't tell if it's boy or girl.
And this one, I saw her yesterday eating her own...
(WHISPERS) It's OK.
And Ben...
Ben... is what, exactly?
Yeah, what?
You are going to choose your hopeless children
over your best friend?
It could be like before.
You and me, before you made all these mistakes.
They're not mistakes!
Well, except for Michelle. I should have had my tubes tied earlier.
Hey! But you know what?
They're my mistakes.
Fine! You're crazy!
But don't call me when it all falls apart!
Oh, I won't!
You break my heart again!
But if it is a choice between Richmond and death...
..I choose death.
And then she puts rocks in her dress and drowns herself.
Ohh! (LAUGHS) (APPLAUSE)
Bravo!
Mum!
Oh, sorry. Mummy's just so happy.
Both of my boys back home again.
Your daughters are right here.
And if this was in China, you would have been drowned in a river,
just like Virginia.
Ai-ya, Mummy loves all of her children equally.
You know I'm not moving back in, right?
Not yet, anyway. (SIZZLING)
(GASPS) Oh, my goodness!
I didn't do it.
(ALL LAUGH) Sure.
(ALARM BEEPS SHRILLY) (ALL SQUEAL)
Save the date? For what?
My wedding. To Wayne.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. It's a surprise.
It's something for your mother.
Happy anniversary. You too.
Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
Captions by Ericsson Access Services (c) SBS Australia 2016